Dawn Sinnott
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Expectations are Premeditated Resentments
I’m sitting at the party. I planned it so perfectly. I would throw a surprise party for my best friend on my birthday. She’ll be so surprised! She walks in the door. She looks surprised. She greets everyone and thanks them for coming. She seems to be happy yet……I know her better than anyone. I don’t feel that she’s as excited as I expected her to be. I don’t sense the appreciation that I had expected. I start to feel upset. I start to feel annoyed. What is this other feeling that’s gnawing at me? I start to feel resentment.
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My Divorce journal - What's the Focus?
Then - 11/1/2003
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My Divorce journal - Don’t You Think You’re Being Dramatic?
Last week I felt like I was driving myself crazy with questions, imaginings and intuition. This week I’m being questioned about whether I’m being too dramatic. Then - 2/3/2004
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I Promise I'll Tell Your Story
I was leaving my office Thursday afte oon with my rolling bag filled with work to complete over the weekend. As I walked down the long hallway towards the outer door I notice a nicely dressed woman in front of me. She had on a very pretty blue top and when she reached the door and opened it I thought to myself “I should tell her how much I like her blouse”. As quickly as I had that thought I also thought “She’s not going to care about my compliment. Just go to your car.”
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My Divorce journal - Is Trust Fixable?
Then - 12/10/2003 “Last night when ‘Carl’ got home from his meeting and was in ‘Dan’s’ room saying good night, I thought I smelled liquor on him. I told him and he rolled his eyes and got huffy. It still bothered me so before he could go downstairs I asked him if I could smell his breath. He went ballistic. He yelled ‘This is ridiculous. You’re not smelling my breath over and over!’ I told him to stop yelling and that I had every right to smell him. When he finally relented, the thing that I smelled the most was cigarettes so I couldn’t even tell if he had been drinking.
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F. E. A. R. (Today’s Letter to Me 5 Years Ago)
Almost every day for the past 6 ½ years I have read the page of the day in one or more of the Alanon Daily books and I would journal my thoughts about that page. Today I read the page of the day about fear and looked back in my prior jou als. What I wrote on the same day 5 years ago was “I did say something about how I feel to someone and they are displeased. My old fears are taking over. I imagine being alone for the rest of my life and I panic. I do or say something in order to put a bandaid over the situation”.
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My Divorce journal - Vicious Cycle
Last week I was pressured to feel my feelings and come to terms with them. This week I’m getting increasingly frustrated with the vicious cycle that had been a part of our marriage for awhile. Then - 1/24/2004 “I am so tired of being the leader. I would love to be partners in the true sense of the word; where I can say ‘tag you’re it’ and things will be taken care of.
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My Divorce journal - Is It Really a Disease?
Last week I was beginning to answer questions with the help of Al-Anon’s 12 Step recovery program. This week I am answering whether I have accepted that alcoholism is a disease. Then – 3/4/2004 “Al-Anon journal question - Do I accept that alcoholism is a disease? How does that change how I deal with a drinker?
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My Divorce journal - Saying “Yes” When I Mean “No”
Last week I was addressing how I’ve sought approval and affirmation from others. This week I’m addressing when I say “Yes” but want to say “No”. Then – 4/2/2004 “journal question – Do I say “Yes” when I want to say “No”? What happens to my ability to manage my life when I do this?
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Keep Your Side of the Street Clean
My 18 year old daughter, Kelly, calls me in a panic. Her ex best friend has text her because she’s heard rumors that she believes Kelly has been spreading about her. She wants to come down from college and confront Kelly. Kelly is upset because she says she hasn’t said a bad word to anyone about this girl and she feels extremely frustrated because she doesn’t know how to prove that she’s done nothing wrong. I listen, as any good mom would do. I allow a little silence after she finishes telling her side of the story, as any good life coach would do.
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My Divorce journal - What's Normal?
Then - 11/1/2003
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My Divorce journal - Sneaking Suspicion
Last week I was questioning what the statistics are for my children’s emotional stability. This week I have a sneaking suspicion that my journal has been read. Then – 2/21/2004
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